Suburbanmummyuk's Blog

I got a email from a dear friend in Australia, He’s a great friend of Unal’s the closest Unal has to a brother and a person you know who is and will be there for you despite miles of separation. You know who you are He said he enjoyed reading the blog so far as I am keeping it real, and I continue to that’s pretty much me in a nutshell, Unal mentioned only yesterday I wear my heart on my sleeve. I think this is a good thing and a bad thing I can never pretend things are great & get away with it! I try but someone always notices that perhaps things aren’t as rosy as they appear!

And that brings me to Eliza who has been great since Jeremiah’s arrival but on another level she has been HORRENDOUS her behaviour has changed and not for the better. I am use to having a child who always listens, who does as they are told, who is just a great child almost perfect. And now…

Lets talk about sharing. Eliza use to share her toys happily and of course anyone else’s toys. Now the mere mention someone IE another child MIGHT come to play sends her into a panic and she collects her toys in her arms and then pushes all floor toys together and cries and says “LIZIES TOYS” She will not share for the life of god and gets in a tizz when at other peoples places. She’s better out than home but still!

I am at times embarrassed and then there’s the feeling of utter sadness that her world is the way it is and that we have done that by bringing another sibling into the mix. I know it will improve and it’s not just Jeremiah it’s her age, but the person who doesn’t know me or her or the situation just sees a out of control child and a mother chasing around after her with a newborn in her arms. I have always been someone who “worries what others are saying”

In all reality if I don’t know the person then who cares what they are saying, but in your own Square gardens the chances of seeing them again are high and you just know they will be thinking “here comes that naughty child and her mother who can’t control her” and they have a point as presently she is out of control!!

Unal and I have placed a deposit on a Montessori school for her and we said we’d like her to start in January. But we think we might try to get her in sooner she is ready, my god she is ready. I really want her home with me I really want her to know I am not sending her away and not wanting to be with her, but I do know she will have the time of her life there and it will be fantastic for her.

Last night like every other night when she goes to bed I lay down with her and we talk about what we did “today” I go through everything even the naughty behaviour and what happened and why and I do that about the good things as well. I get her to remember the fun things and I tell her tomorrow will be a very fun day and shall do fun things and then I read her a few stories and she points out the words she can read and checks with me if they are correct and then I cuddle her to sleep. Last night was no different until she was asleep and I cried. And then I heard a whisper “why you crying mummy?” I told her and here is the honest truth.

I said

I miss you Eliza, I miss being alone with you, I miss being silly with you when ever, I miss you being good! I miss us dancing together as much as we did and playing singstar in the playstation I miss so many things.

She sat there in the night light and stroked my face and then gave me so many kisses and went back to sleep. I know she didn’t understand I know it was pointless telling her but I do miss those things. I know we are all adjusting to having a new baby. It’s truly wonderful and I am loving it, I adore having two babies and I am in no way depressed or having baby blues. It’s normal and it’s OK and one day this behaviour of hers and my own worries will be nothing but a memory and her and I will have new worries.

Because this is life and it’s forever changing and it’s OK!

Right now it’s time to go be with that guy I call the love of my life