There have been a few things in my life I have been addicted to. One was Trashy magazines, which sadly I haven’t read for about 3 years I get my fix online now instead. I was addicted to Dance music and would listen to it LOUDLY especially in my lovely car a convertible Honda S2000 oh god I miss that car, I also miss the tanned slim girl who use to drive it too, I think Unal misses her a little too. Hopefully she might be able to find her way out of my body again one day. Sadly the car went when I was 28 weeks pregnant with Eliza and I could no longer fit behind the wheel. And with it went my addiction to dance music it was replaced with Mozart and Handel I wanted my baby to be into classical music not a twit driving around blaring loud music and thinking she is the bomb.
And I thought my addictive nature might of passed but it hasn’t probably never will. Currently I am addicted to this website it is about a woman who fell in love unexpectedly and gave up something she thought she wanted and chose love it’s the Pioneer woman’s website link is over to your right —-> check it out if you have time. I love it. Could be the country girl in me.
She talks about love.
Love is something I have a conflicting relationship with, I have had people who loved me hurt me something badly. That I never thought I could love because that would mean trust and I have little of that. And secondly who would ever love me? so I never allowed myself to get close to people I never had a boyfriend at college. I had fun but never dated. I mean no one would ever date me what for!
Then a trip to Sydney Australia in November 1997 saw me feeling something I didn’t know I could feel. I met Unal he was friends with my brother who was living and working there for a time. Unal had amazing eyes they drew me in like dance music (sad I know) he has a happy warm disposition and I wanted him the addiction had begun. “who’s that guy” I asked my Brothers girlfriend at the time “who him? Unal? He’s a weirdo I’d avoid him” “WEIRDO” excellent for sure I could talk to him them seeing as how everyone thinks I am weird. So I sauntered over in my new Esprit top and sun kissed short hair and my new tan and said “Hi I am Liam’s sister” Like he didn’t know that. We were standing in a bar on the street drinking and we chatted and then we arranged to go away that weekend together with my brother and my mother. I leapt at the chance to be Unal’s passenger and everyone else could go with my brother. Unal and I chatted the whole 3 hours it took to drive to the caves we were visiting. We talked about everything and anything. By god was he easy to talk to. He I was at 20 years old a practical hermit un- allowed to have friends yet at total ease with him, my anxiety was not with me for 3 hours and I was enjoying it.
We chose what cave we were to visit. Unal and I commented how boring we thought caves were and once you had seen a few you had seen them all. Off we went deeper and deeper I wore a very short skirt forgetting how cold it can get in caves, also forgetting all the steps one has to climb with other people behind you.
Of course they did the obligatory lets turn the lights off and see how dark it was when the workers came. Like seriously they have to do that. You’re in a cave with no exit it’s going to be dark. I felt a hand on my back I thought bet someone thinks I am someone else ewww.
Lights on I turned to see Unal looking over my shoulder his hand on my back I smiled that smile I had back then and blushed we hurried to the back of the crowd so we could chat. we slowed so we didn’t have to listen to the cave talk.
Little did I know that 6 months later I’d be on a plane flying back there hoping and praying he didn’t have a girlfriend.
