Suburbanmummyuk's Blog

To say I have found the age of 3 challenging might be a understatement. I don’t think I have felt frustration so often in my entire life. I get incredibly angry, I get incredibly disillusioned with my parenting, I cry, I lay awake thinking at night about where I went wrong. How did I handle this or that, was that right was it wrong. Unal and I have different approaches to discipline which makes for some arguments and lack of consistency which as I am sure everyone knows is a downfall, a child needs consistency. He tells me often I am to soft or relaxed, I tell him I am the superior carer and the mother and I am home and I have to put up with them longer so therefore I am in charge. To say he rarely gets a look in on many things from where our children sleep to what they eat would be a understatement I really run the show.

But I am reaching a point where I feel like I am loosing control of my anger and mental state and that Eliza and Jeremiah will grow up with not knowing that if you whine enough you get it, if you push someone, yeah someone might tell you off but hey big deal.

This past week I’ve really had to think about what I am doing and what I should be doing.

Unal and I had a heated debate, I was told to shutup a few times and listen which is not my strong point like I said “I’m the mother” We both agreed that we have to be consistent. Of course we are both are right in our approaches but now it’s putting them together and making sure we both do the same thing.

After much thought I think I can be to soft and inconsistent. lets have some examples.

Eliza pushes Jeremiah if he goes near her little ponyville crap, he cries I go in. she admits straight away what has happened. I tell Jeremiah those are her precious things and he must play with something else, or I say, Eliza can you share “NO” could he have 1 pony? sometimes she says yes sometimes no. Which is fine, we as adults don’t like sharing our favourite things ALL the time.

I then point Jerry in another direction & get on with it. Then I will hear more crying I go back and she may of got up and just pushed him in case he comes to try and touch ponyville crap. This is just not on and here is where I go wrong. Here’s a list of how I react to the same situation

I tell her calmly we don’t push, if she goes to school and pushes she’ll have no friends and the teachers will be angry

I make her say sorry hug and make up

I take away her toys

I send her to her room

I shout and say I just told you this, why am I telling you again

I occasionally smack her hand and make her sit on the stairs

I give her many different reactions all the time to the SAME situation and I do it a lot with all different things, I guess she doesn’t know what “mummy will do today” which is why I have a constant battle.

Unal’s take on the same situation is this

“Eliza we don’t push, go to your room now”

She puts up a fight and this is because I am sure she was expecting some other events to happen and they didn’t

But she wont push again for the rest of the day, after Daddy has punished her.

NOW I put that down to him being a bit scary as he isn’t here as much, he puts it down to being consistent with his reactions to the same behaviour, she rarely pushes Unal she knows exactly what will ensue.

I am going to try and be a bit more consistent this week, I am really starting to think I might actually end up in a mental institution if I don’t get her behaviour under control.

It’s not just the pushing,she whines about pretty much everything, she screams at me when she wants something and I say no, she stamps her foot and says “I said yes and I want it now”

one word “spoilt” she is very spoilt and there is only us to blame.

I’ll report back in a week unless I am tied up in my straight jacket.